Always doubting

woman watching sunsetI’ve been told I’m too tentative, sensitive to things. In a way it is true. I’m very careful who I open up to. As I’ve got older, my trust in other people has decreased. There are things in life I haven’t achieved because I’ve been too careful. In some things, it’s good to be. I haven’t got myself into trouble. I haven’t spent my time with the wrong people. In my teens, I spent my time at home. I had friends but it was when I was younger. I have never had the urge to experiment. I have never tried smoking or got drunk. Hell, I’m a goody two shoes and I’m not ashamed of it. A smart person doesn’t need to be like everyone else. I have not found a point in trying things. I haven’t missed anything. Some think you haven’t lived if you haven’t experienced certain things. Best time to live is seeing other people making mistakes so you don’t repeat them. I don’t need to act crazy to live a life.

Sometimes I think how boring my life has been. But when I start to think what I’ve been through, I’ve actually had enough of drama. There are things you only realise after you had a long thought about it. I don’t really want more excitement in my life. I’ve been through things most people haven’t. Too much excitement makes me anxious. In small doses it’s fine. Being too tentative can have its disadvantage. You don’t get things other people might get. If I had a job where I could get a raise or a promotion, I would be the last in line. I don’t have enough courage to put myself out there. I’m always doubting what could go wrong or I won’t get my point across. Instead of even trying to do things, I rather skip it altogether. That’s been one of my flaws and I’ve worked on that all of my adult life.

No one is perfect and you have to know it yourself. If you’re too confident of yourself, you think you’re above everyone else. It’s easier to get enemies that way. You shouldn’t be too doubtful about yourself either. Too much of anything is too much. Being tentative shouldn’t be a bad thing. It’s better to be safe than rush into things without thinking about the consequences.

I know you're there. Why do you linger in the shadows?

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