On the dark of power in confusion

provoke doors

I’ve always known entrepreneurship wasn’t for my kind of person. But yet I decided to study it. I think I must be provoking myself into believing I can do it. I just don’t have that business instinct. I can’t even keep my own financial things in check. I don’t even know how to explain that and honestly, I don’t even bother finding out. Anyway, this whole having your own business feels so complicated. It’s like Hebrew to me. Especially this business plan you need to write. So many questions to answer. Why can’t it be simple? I make websites, maybe some graphic design and photography. Bam and ready, get me work. But no, you need something new to offer and target groups, who you sell to. You can’t just say whoever pays me well. I feel like I have nothing to offer. Let’s face it, the principle in web design is the same. You can’t invent something that’s already there. Or maybe I missed something. All this studying is so boring when you don’t get it. Actually, all this talk about it bores me. Maybe I should get a job from someone else but that’s not gonna happen either.

I keep searching for other web designers and it makes me feel blue. A lot of them offer the same things but they’re much more experienced than I am. Some of them make sites cheap which makes me wonder, how do they live? The biggest problems are these do-it-yourself where any amateur can make a website. How can you compete with that? Soon no one needs a pro to do them. Even those who are not web designers make sites for clients. But it’s not about making a site and that’s it. You also need marketing skills which are my weakness. If all that could be done online for free, then things would be much easier. But to get clients to your business, you have to get out of your comfort zone. Sorry, but I can’t do it. I can go to place but then I just want to leave. It feels so awkward to be around strangers. That’s the curse of a shy introvert like myself. Networking is something I wish I could ignore altogether. But I shouldn’t forget there are other introverts who have succeeded anyway. Just look at J.K Rowling and Richard Branson. If they can do it, so could I. Even though making a living out if is more then enough. I don’t want to be rich and famous.

It’s easier said than done. I don’t even know if I have the skills anymore. It’s been a year since I did anything web design related. Making up projects is not my style. I can’t make up things if I don’t have anything to go on. Then I have had so many other things to think about so I haven’t had the motivation to practice anything. I’m ‘On the dark of power in confusion’ and I can’t get much done because of it. Maybe things aren’t that complicated and it’s only in my head. I just have to find the red thread and maybe I find the solution one way or another.





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