Have you ever thought you can’t do something no matter how hard you try? When things don’t go the way you plan it, you give up. No? Then it’s just me then. I’m my worst critic. My mother used to say I can do it but I’m haven’t been that confident. I know I can do things if I put my mind to it but I’m too critical of myself. Maybe I’m a bit of a perfectionist. You don’t see that in my daily life though. My flat is a mess. It’s more in my mind. Everything doesn’t need to be perfect. Except for paintings on the wall. A crooked picture is really disturbing.
Sometimes when I write fan fiction I feel satisfied with my work. But other people don’t give any criticism so I don’t know how to get better. I get likes and all that but I never get any real feedback. Not even any reactions. If I read my stories as another person, I would have a lot to say about the stories. People never think the same I do. I shouldn’t compare myself with other fan fiction writers but they seem to get more comments than I do. I wouldn’t even say they’re better at it. It depends on what you write about and who. I still will write and post my stories despite that. When I read my old stories, I do see I’ve got better. That’s what matters the most, that you see it yourself. Other people don’t need to tell me. Writing is probably the only thing I’m not critical of myself.
The same goes with photography. I hardly get any deep analysis online. A like or two but hardly any comments. Am I suppose to notice it myself if I got better? It makes me think if my photography is even any good or are they the same as any other. I should be satisfied with what I think about my skills and not about what other think. Once I got feedback but the person wasn’t even an expert on photography. They said they could have taken a photo like that. But it does take out the excitement out of photography when you hear a negative comment like that. I wanted to become a pro but now my thoughts have changed so I’m less critical of myself in that field. I’m torturing myself sometimes that I can’t get the photo I want. I’m the worst critic and I’m never satisfied with the outcome. If someone likes a photo, it’s only then I’m happy.
Once you get that “I can’t do it” you start to think you can’t. How would you know if you don’t try it? What I’ve learned through the years is when you fail, you try again. If that doesn’t work, try something else. Being critical of yourself helps you trying harder to get better at what you do. You’re never ready and learning new things keeps life interesting.