So many choices so little time. I’ve got a concentration span of a teenager. I can focus on one thing for a while but then I get bored. I’ve got a lot of different interests and I’m focused on many things. That’s one of the reasons why I find it hard to concentrate on one thing only. I couldn’t write about the same subject on this blog for example. The same goes with everything I do and like. Versatility is the key to my happiness.
When I thought about occupations when I was younger everything seemed so boring. For some, office jobs can be suitable but for me, I would get bored. I could do it for a while but not as a full-time job. Creativity has always been my thing. I can’t draw very well but I can do other things. I studied graphic design but I wasn’t very rich of ideas and I didn’t want to do it full-time. Then came photography and that was on my agenda for a long time. When I studied in Helsinki Design School, I realised I don’t want to do it all the time either. This year it was the web designer qualification. I have all these education experiences but employers care more about work experiences which I don’t have. I have a big cap in that. Last time I was anywhere was in 2012 and that wasn’t for very long. How impressive that is. Not. It makes me feel like I’m the most untalented designer out there. I can’t even call myself that. I know now what I want to do. I want to combine all three, photography, graphic design and web design. I just lack work experience. But I’m no Picasso of modern design. I’m not award winning or anything special. The competition out there is so much better than I’ll ever be.
I’m really putting myself down with this post. But I have to face the fact that I might never get a chance. I’m too unmotivated when it comes to practising. Just like any other creative jobs, to get better is to practice. I’m too lazy to do it. I plan in my head but they never come true. I should really be more focused but it’s hard to since I get distracted easily. It’s easier to watch something online or write fan fiction, then actually doing some personal design projects. I see other people’s work on Behance and think I can never become that good. You’re supposed to get inspiration from others but it just puts me down. I look at job descriptions in ads and it always contains things I can’t do. There’s no point of applying because I know I have no chance. Becoming a freelancer is also so much work so I don’t know if I can’t do it either.
There are times where I’ve lost all hope. Maybe I should become an office worker after all. When I think about my options in other occupations, I much prefer being on the creative side. I rather have a job I like then being in a job I hate. Focusing on something you like is so much easier. Design jobs are not all about having fun but it’s more enjoyable than an ordinary one.