I don’t know what it is but when you become elder, you start to remember old things. Things you’ve been through and people you met. Even if you’re not that old, you still think about old things. Looking back at my life so far, I’m not the same person when I was a child or a teenager. If I met old school mates they wouldn’t know the person I am today. I hope I never meet these people. I would say thanks because without them I wouldn’t have become stronger. You shouldn’t live in the past and you need to grow because if you don’t you make the same mistakes over and over again. That’s not what life is about. It’s about growing and feel more confident about yourself.

Tomorrow the education in graphic design begins. I’m both excited and nervous at the same time. I love learning new things and this school has pros teaching. The nervous part is the introducing yourself to strangers. You never know what kind of people will attend this class. Last time I went to Helsinki Design School (2014-2015) the introduction didn’t go as I planned it. Now I’ve thought about it what I could say because I know what to expect. But I can’t guarantee I will succeed this time either. Thinking what to say and actually saying something out loud is two different things. Introverts know what I mean. Introducing myself could be different now since it was after all 4 years ago. My mother used to say I’m nervous around people I don’t know because I haven’t been around others so much. Or maybe it was talking on the phone? I don’t really remember. Anyway, I have been around people since I went to this school. Actually, I’ve changed my attitude when I go to new places. I used to be nervous because I was afraid to do something wrong. Now I’m more relaxed. In the end, it doesn’t matter how it goes. A lot of people dislike introducing themselves or being worried about making a mistake. Positive thinking makes you go far.

If I had a chance to go back in time, I would only go if I could experience things when my sister was still alive. Those were good memories. It would have been nice to meet my cousins from my father’s side when I was younger. My dad is a twin but his sister was too afraid to get in touch. But you deal with the cards you get. I’m glad I know my cousins now. At least the one who lives in my city. All this time I thought I only had one cousin from my mother’s side. Life is full of surprises. I rather see to the future than the past. Becoming an elder is not that bad. You always learn something and your thoughts change. When you experience things, you see things from a different angle. It can make you mentally stronger but it can also make you weaker. It depends how you see things. Giving up is not the answer. No matter how bad things are, there is always hope. We all become elder no matter what you try. We just have to make the best of it.