In the mind of an introvert

I don’t know why some are introverts and some are extroverts. Is it inherited or is it something that happens during a person’s life?

I’ve never been that talkative. I don’t know if it’s always been like that. At home I always felt most comfortable. But when it came to people outside the home, I was different. I don’t know how I even got friends in school when I was younger. Of course it helped because those kids went to the same preschool as I did so I already knew some of them. I’ve always been reserved. My father said once that my mother were too protective but it’s has nothing to with that. I think it was because I lost my sister at a very young age. I’ve always thought that if she had been alive, maybe I would have been braver and more extrovert. Not only because of that but also what happened later in my life.

Maybe I’ve written this before but when I had to repeat 4th grade, there were a few girls that whispered about me behind my back. It actually started in 5th grade. E.g. freezing me out of the group. That year I probably became even more reserved. I didn’t like school at all after that. The funny thing is, one of those girls were my friend the first year I came there. We talked things behind that other girl’s back. Come to think of it, those two were still friends but they had some kind of row. But when they became friends again, I became 2nd. What I learned that day (sounds like one part from the first Hobbit movie :D) I recognise who’s fake or not. I don’t trust people the way I used to. I was glad I didn’t have anything to do with them again. If I was the person I am today, I would have handle it in another way.

Being an introvert can have it’s problems. Like with jobs. People think I have some kind of handicap. That I can’t do a job. I might be shy and quiet from time to time but I can do a job like anybody. I’m just picky. I won’t take any job. I have studied things but I’m looking at something specific to do. At least something I’ve studied. But getting any job is difficult. At least here it is. Especially since I’m 30 something and I don’t want to study something new again. I need money like anybody. Living on well-fare is not something I want to do the rest of my life.
I worked in one of my local newspaper as a photographer for 2 weeks. The verdict was that I wasn’t social enough. You won’t get very social in 2 weeks. But in a way they were right. Being a photographer is being social. I think I’ve tried to be social but that didn’t seem to be enough. I think that was just an excuse. They probably already had decided not to keep me. I was just a substitute until the students came. It wasn’t a job with real pay anyway but at least that was some job experience.

If you want social from me, you just have to give me a chance. The same with friendships, you shouldn’t give up on me if I don’t start talking straight away. It just takes a little time before I open up to you. It’s a shame that people don’t have time to wait in today’s society. But it’s their loss.